Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
