I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Pants are for mortals
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
