The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
