I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
