i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
