We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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