my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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