I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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