You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He passed out mid-signature
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
the raccoons are back...
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