Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
