For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
