Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
