Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
