I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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