If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
