...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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