I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
