Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
