I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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