Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
