Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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