And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
