Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
