I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
