You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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