dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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