also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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