What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
