upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
