I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
