After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
