Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
