Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
