I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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