apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
