So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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