just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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