What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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