a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
