I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
