So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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