onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
