i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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