woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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