wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
