East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we're making bets on your personal life
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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