Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
