I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
