You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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