i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize